Oh, thank you, News Santa! At a time of year traditionally devoid of fun news gifts, we’ve received several in our stocking this holiday week—Eric Cantor’s walk of shame, the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre doubling down on his “turn schools into war zones” lunacy, Mark Sanford throwing his hat back in the ring, and President Obama reminding John Boehner who’s in charge here.

Then we spotted this one under our holiday tree (cue Bill O’Reilly’s head exploding)—garishly wrapped in million-dollar bills and no doubt delivered by a rainbow-hued unicorn with a blinking red ruby for a nose—and tore it open with unbridled glee. Because there’s no greater news gift than the delicious irony of conservative hypocrisy.

Tea Party darling and anti-union blowhard Dana Loesch, who previously never met a workers’ rights provision she actually liked, now suddenly wants her rights protected. Bemoaning the terms of the employment contract she presumably freely signed with conservative-loon website Breitbart.com, the attention-seeking right-wing hypocrite is now suing them for $75,000 for forcing her into “indentured servitude in limbo.” The company, she claims, created a hostile working environment, then—horror of horrors—held her to her contract, resulting in “the attempt by one vindictive party to sabotage the reputation and career of another.” (We’ll try to stifle our elitist, book-learnin’ laughter at the unfortunate sentence structure employed by her lawyer there.)

Wow. What in the world has the Breitbart empire—which everyone knows is a bastion of honesty and goodness—done to this poor young lady to make her put her conservative “values” aside and sue? Well, says the lawsuit, “on the one hand it refuses to publish Loesch’s contributions to the site, and otherwise precluding her from fulfilling her duties as editor. On the other hand, it sabotages her attempts to labor in a similar fashion elsewhere through public misstatements and private threats to sue those who would otherwise employ Loesch.”

Wait a minute… is this the same Dana Loesch who incessantly trumpets the holiness of both the unrestricted power of the free market and the so-called “Right to Work” legislation that allows employers to do precisely this—treat workers as less than human? To be “vindictive” and “sabotage” their employees at will? Is this the same Dana Loesch who constantly unleashes her ignorant wrath on unions, who exist to protect people like her from things like this? Yes, it is. But being a frothing, self-absorbed hatemonger who is impervious to reality, logic and empathy, she’ll never make the connection. In true conservative fashion, she considers it sick and wrong to do this to her… but anyone else victimized by an employer obviously deserves it, and should just stop their entitled whining, stop filing frivolous lawsuits, and be grateful to have a job at all.

Another tasty morsel of irony in all this:  On her very own radio show, Missouri House Speaker Tim Jones revealed to the St. Louis-based wingnut that soon her home state will be considering “Right to Work” legislation, which, if approved, would probably shrug its unsympathetic shoulders at her complaints. “If Michigan, then why not here?” Jones said. “I hope we start following suit.” And one can only assume that Loesch, who was a vocal cheerleader for RTW being pushed through in Michigan, would be in favor of Missouri following suit — and possibly dismissing her claims against the evil Breitbart empire. She’ll drop the lawsuit and get behind her employer’s “right” to screw her seven ways from Sunday in a “the free market has spoken” kind of way, right? Right?

Didn’t think so.

H/T: PoliticusUSA; Photo: Minnesota Historical Society via Flickr.com