Oh dear. Do they never learn? Once again, a Republican has stepped in it by making a ludicrous claim about the fictional ability of rape victims to “shut down” pregnancy via telepathy. This time, however, it’s a female Republican showing her complete ignorance about how her own body works.

Celeste Greig, president of the California Republican Assembly — a volunteer organization that bills itself as “the conscience of the Republican Party” and inexplicably trumpets “President Reagan Praises the CRA” on its homepage, complete with a video of the long-dead former president saying as much — was, ironically, criticizing fellow Republican Todd Akin’s “legitimate rape” comments when she sank her tootsies in a steaming pile of merde.

“That was an insensitive remark,” Greig — a former Marine who apparently coined the term “RINO” (Republicans In Name Only) — harumphed. “I’m sure he regretted it. He should have come back and apologized.”

Well, that sounds reasonable. You won’t get any argument here. But she didn’t stop there, of course. They never do. “Granted, the percentage of pregnancies due to rape is small because it’s an act of violence, because the body is traumatized,” she began.

Oh, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t. Just. Stop. Talking.

No such luck. “I don’t know what percentage of pregnancies are due to the violence of rape,” she went on, to the mortification of intelligent people everywhere. “Because of the trauma the body goes through, I don’t know what percentage of pregnancy results from the act.”

Groan. It’s simple biology, as Berkeley, CA Democratic assemblywoman Nancy Skinner had to explain to Mrs. Greig like she’s five. “If a woman is near-ovulating or ovulating, and sperm comes in direct contact, she gets pregnant — it doesn’t matter what the nature of the act was,” said a clearly exasperated Skinner.

The good folks over at the Bay Area News Group shed some light on the actual correlation between pregnancy and rape:

Most research on rape and pregnancy has shown roughly the same rates of pregnancy as pregnancies resulting from consensual sex. But one 2003 study from St. Lawrence University showed the rate at which women get pregnant after rape to be more than double that of a single act of consensual sex. The study used data from the United States National Violence Against Women survey.

With consensual sex, the authors theorized, women have the option of declining sex or using contraception when there is a high likelihood of getting pregnant because of their ovulation cycle.

The per-incident rape-pregnancy rate was 6.42 percent, according to the report, which was published in the journal Human Nature. Of women having consensual sex, the per-incident pregnancy rate was 3.1 percent.

“It’s just outrageous, beyond absurd. It’s insulting. It’s the same line of thinking of ‘If we just dress differently, or behave differently, we won’t be raped,'” said Assemblywoman Skinner. “They’re basically saying ‘while we’re being raped, if we hate it enough, we won’t get pregnant.'”

Photo of Celeste Greig with Sen. Marco Rubio: Santa Clarita Valley Republicans