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alex jones

How 'The Onion' And Sandy Hook Families Punked Alex Jones

The Onion just bought Alex Jones' conspiracy-pedaling platform Infowars, according to reports.

CNN correspondent Hadas Gold delivered this apparently real news Thursday morning confirmed by the New York Times and an editorial from the satirical news outlet's owner Bryce P. Tetraeder, CEO of Global Tetrahedron.

"Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market," wrote Tetraeder.

"And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice."

Gold and the New York Times report that the Onion ate InfoWars with backing from several families of victims of the Sandy Hook mass shooting who successfully sued Jones for nearly $1.5 billion in defamation damages.

Jones, who notoriously spread a conspiracy theory claiming their children's deaths had been faked, was forced to declare bankruptcy and liquidate assets.

The Times reports the Onion bought Infowars in a bankruptcy auction. Jones confirmed InfoWars was being shut down and taken over by the Onion in a video comment.

"I don't know what's going to happen," Jones said. "They want to silence the American people."

On Thursday, Tetraeder provided Onion readers with answers — in classic Onion style.

"InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses," he wrote. "With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal."

Tetraeder praised InfoWars for what he described as their commitment to inducing rage and radicalizing vulnerable Americans. He then took two direct jabs at Jones by boasting of the price he'd paid for Inforwars and quipping he'd forgotten his name.

"No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds," Tetraeder wrote. "And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars."

The future looks uncertain for Infowars but Tetraeder had a slew of suggestions for possible future investments, among them business school scholarships for promising cult leaders and a program to pair orphans with factory jobs.

"As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately," Tetraeder wrote. "We plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal."

Reprinted with permission from Alternet.

Trump Cult Crazies Blame Hurricanes On 'Weather Control' -- And Defame FEMA

Trump Cult Crazies Blame Hurricanes On 'Weather Control' -- And Defame FEMA

Chances are quite good that yet another major hurricane will come ashore in the United States some time before the 2024 presidential election is decided, and that it will afflict mainly Republican areas of the country. And if that should happen, large parts of the country will go even crazier than they already are.

And that is seriously crazy. Barking mad.

No particular expertise is required to see how these things could happen. We’re still in the midst of hurricane season, after all, and 2024 has been a particularly active one so far. Also, if you glance at a map, Southern coastal regions is where Republicans live. Damn few Democratic strongholds in the gulf states.

Houston, New Orleans, that’s about it. You’d think even a dunce like Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) could figure that out.

But no, the Georgia Republican thinks it’s all a big conspiracy. She professes to believe that “they” control the weather. “They” presumably being the same mysterious cabal responsible for “Jewish space lasers” that caused massive wildfires in California a while back.

What’s more she has lots of company. Writing in The Atlantic, Charlie Warzel documented how crackpot conspiracy theories swept the internet. “Infowars'” Alex Jones alleged that Hurricanes Helene and Milton were “weather weapons” deployed against American patriots by the U.S. government, i.e. the Biden administration.

“Scrolling through these platforms,” Warzel wrote “watching them fill with false information, harebrained theories, and doctored images—all while panicked residents boarded up their houses, struggled to evacuate, and prayed that their worldly possessions wouldn’t be obliterated overnight—offered a portrait of American discourse almost too bleak to reckon with head-on.”

Remember when Vice President Al Gore used to carry on about “the information superhighway” that was going to usher in a new age of enlightenment? Well, that’s not what happened.

Instead of roadside shacks at the edge of town housing palm readers, tarot card mavens, horoscope experts and other solitary purveyors of mystical mumbo jumbo and superstition, we now have websites peddling delusional nonsense to thousands. Sheer folly has gotten organized.

And the politicians are not far behind. Donald Trump, J.D. Vance, and Fox News have all peddled the lie that FEMA (the Federal Emergency Management Administration) is offering only one-time payments of $750 to homeowners who have lost their property due to the hurricanes, and that the money must be repaid.

None of that is true. Republican governors in the affected states have been unanimous in praising the federal response.

Elon Musk, owner of X, claimed—utterly without evidence, because it’s also absolutely false—that FEMA was “actively blocking shipments and seizing goods and services locally and locking them away…It’s very real and scary how much they have taken control to stop people helping.”

Musk’s post has been read a reported 40 million times.

If the United States is going to deport immigrants, maybe we should ship him back to South Africa.

Anyway, in consequence of Musk and Trump’s lies, crazy people have been harassing and threatening to shoot FEMA workers trying to deliver life-saving supplies to hurricane victims. Other idiots are threatening to kill TV meteorologists for debunking “weaponized weather” fables.

It’s enough to make a newspaper columnist feel superfluous. I used to get death threats all the time. Haven’t had one for months now. Perhaps I should become an “influencer.”

Anyway, hurricane or no hurricane, when and by whom will the 2024 election be decided? It’s not necessary to use your Marjorie Taylor Greene magic decoder ring to understand that the signs and portents aren’t good. Is there any chance that candidate Trump would concede defeat? I would say that there is no chance at all.

The man has been visibly “decompensating,” as psychologists say, for months now. During his increasingly chaotic “rallies,” Trump can scarcely keep a coherent thought in his head. It’s all sharks, Hannibal Lecter, and name-calling Kamala Harris now. At an appearance near Philadelphia the other night, he quit talking and stood listening to recorded music for fully forty minutes. Just stood there.

That’s a long damn time. Members of the Trump Cult pretended it was a genius stroke, because that’s what cults do. There is pretty much no behavior so bizarre that it can’t be rationalized as an expression of sheer genius. Adepts surrender to reality quietly, and one at a time. Meanwhile, Trump is much more far gone than Joe Biden at his most confused.

That doesn’t mean Trump can’t try to incite an insurrection if he loses come November 5. But it surely means the effort would fail. But what do I know? I’m one of those “radical left lunatics” the great man blames for betraying America. An elitist. A guy who believes what the National Weather Service tells him.


Alex Jones

Unearthed Video Shows JD Vance Praising Alex Jones For 'Important Truths'

New reporting from ProPublica and Documented revealed that Trump’s vice presidential pick, Ohio Sen. J.D. Vance, praised far-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones as a truth teller during a closed-door meeting with the Project 2025 partner organization the Teneo Network in 2021.

Meanwhile, Jones said today that he was in a meeting with Vance “a month ago.”

The Teneo Network, an “invitation-only group of young conservatives” that ProPublica and Documented said Vance joined six years ago, is one of over 100 conservative partner organizations included on the Heritage Foundation’s advisory board for Project 2025. Project 2025 is an extreme right-wing initiative to provide policy and personnel to the next Republican presidential administration.

This post has been updated for clarity.

Vance called Alex Jones a truth teller

In a private speech in 2021 given to the Teneo Network, Vance said that he got backlash when he said that the far-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones “is a better source of information than Rachel Maddow, the MSNBC gal,” which he described as a “plainly obvious observation.”

He went on to add that “the most important truths often come from people who are crazy 60 percent of the time but they’re right 40 percent of the time.”


Vance was speaking before the Teneo Network, a Project 2025 partner

The Teneo Network is a right-wing networking group spearheaded by prominent conservative legal activist Leonard Leo. ProPublica and Documented reported on Vance’s speech to the group and what it means for a future Trump second term:

Adding Vance to the ticket bolsters the connections between Leo’s network and the Trump 2024 campaign. It also strengthens ties between Trump’s reelection bid and the Project 2025 blueprint, which outlines plans for a second Trump administration, including firing thousands of career civil servants, shuttering the Department of Education and replacing ambitious goals to combat climate change with ramped-up fossil fuel production. In a recent TV interview, Vance said the document contained “some good ideas” but claimed that “most Americans couldn’t care less about Project 2025” and that the Trump campaign wasn’t affiliated with it."

Jones also claimed he was recently in a meeting with Vance

On his show on July 16, Jones said he was “in a meeting with J.D. Vance a month ago,” calling him “a great guy” and adding that “he's defended me when I was being censored.”

Reprinted with permission from Media Matters.

Alex Jones

Unhinged Theories Erupt On Far Right After Baltimore Bridge Collapse

At a press conference on Tuesday, March 26, Maryland Gov. Wes Moore told reporters that there was no sign of terrorism or foul play in the collapse of Baltimore's Francis Scott Key Bridge — which had been struck by a freighter. According to Moore and the Biden White House, there was no indication that it was anything other than a tragic accident.

But that hasn't stopped far-right conspiracy theorists from claiming otherwise or looking for ways to blame the Biden Administration for the tragedy.Rolling Stone and The Daily Beastgathered some of the more extreme reactions in articles published that Tuesday.

Infowars host Alex Jones remarked, "Looks deliberate to me. A cyber-attack is probable. WW3 has already started."

On Newsmax, American Conservative Union president Matt Schlapp implied that "drug-addled" employees and "lockdowns" during the COVID-19 pandemic were somehow to blame for the bridge's collapse.

Schlapp told Newsmax, "All I would say is that if you talk to employers in America, they'll tell you that filling slots with employees who aren't drug-addled is a very huge problem; so, I'm making no specific charges here because we don't know. But you know, anybody who flies in America can see that you're constantly waiting on a tarmac somewhere for some crew to show up."

On X, formerly Twitter, anti-feminist Andrew Tate posted, "This ship was cyber-attacked. Lights go off and it deliberately steers towards the bridge supports. Foreign agents of the USA attack digital infrastructures. Nothing is safe. Black Swan event imminent.

Fox News' Maria Bartiromo, interviewing Sen. Rick Scott (R-FL), tried to link Biden's border policy to the tragedy. And Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC), on Newsmax, claimed that Biden's bipartisan infrastructure bill was to blame because it overemphasized "Green New Deal" spending.

Reprinted with permission from Alternet.

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