“Since I have nothing to do — and the fact you’re watching thismakes me assume you have nothing to do — I’m going to shoot a mini-monologueevery day until we get back from my house, where I’m currently incarcerated. Imean camping out.”

Thus did Jimmy Kimmel commence his new post-apocalypse programming with a remote #minilogue.

Stuck in the house, Kimmel says he’s learning a lot about himself. For instance, he discovered that he has two young children (from whom he’s currently hiding in his office).

“Thank God for television. Right now my blood type is Disney-positive, Disney Plus, whatever they call it. We’ve watched Frozen 2 more times than the animators who made it have watched Frozen 2.”

He has plenty of ideas for those of us sheltering in place, which means almost everybody. “Did you know that you can make coffee at home, for yourself?” Plus hot tips for St. Patrick’s Day without bars or parades.

Click and laugh against the darkness.