A Protestant Ministry holds South Carolina children for ransom, Matt Bevin turns Kentucky children into kidsicles, and an Alabama official channels his inner Joan Rivers. No, this isn’t a day at GOP Elder Daycare. It’s This Week in Crazy!

5. Reid Lehman
The Religious Right rejoiced as they pulled off a Hail Mary pass in their pursuit for discrimination. South Carolina lawmakers pushed for faith-based foster systems to have an exclusion from 45 CFR § 75.300.

According to that statute: “It is a public policy requirement of HHS that no person otherwise eligible will be excluded from participation in, denied the benefits of, or subjected to discrimination in the administration of HHS programs and services based on non-merit factors such as age, disability, sex, race, color, national origin, religion, gender identity, or sexual orientation.”

Evidently this policy offended the president of Miracle Hill Ministries, Reid Lehman. Miracle Hill runs a foster care system that is federally funded. The caveat? They only want to place children with Protestant parents.

Naturally, a Trump Administration official named Steven Wagner signed off on this unlawful and discriminatory request. Wagner agreed to a waiver that protected federal funding for Miracle Hill and Lehman’s right to hate.

Interestingly enough, the waiver states: “You specifically cite Miracle Hill, a faith-based organization that recruits 15 percent of the foster care families in the [South Carolina] Foster Care Program, and you state that, without the participation of such faith-based organizations, South Carolina would have difficulty continuing to place all children in need of foster care.”

Exploiting the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, Lehman convinced lawmakers that placing a child in the hands of a family with a different faith put the religious beliefs of his ministry in jeopardy. He effectively held needy kids up for ransom.

4. Matt Bevin
Baby, it’s cold outside…but not as cold as the heart of Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin. The country is hitting record lows, especially in the Midwest. So much so, the president is doing his tribal Global WAMING Dance:

In the beautiful Midwest, windchill temperatures are reaching minus 60 degrees, the coldest ever recorded. In coming days, expected to get even colder. People can’t last outside even for minutes. What the hell is going on with Global Waming? Please come back fast, we need you!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 29, 2019

You know who isn’t the mood for dancing? Matt Bevin. He’s tired of dealing with kids on snow days. So the governor is trying to bully Kentucky lawmakers to keep them in school.

With windchills set to hit 15 below zero, Kentucky considered following the lead of Minnesota and Illinois by closing schools. This triggered Father of the Year and Gov. Bevin.

Bevin exclaimed “[I]t does concern me a little bit that in America — on this and any number of other fronts — we’re sending messages to our young people that if life is hard, you can curl up in the fetal position somewhere in a warm place and just wait until it stops being hard.”

Well, that’s how the polar bears push through. That is, until Trump’s tribal Global WAMING Dance works…

3. John Bolton
Newest tactic by the Trump Administration? If they don’t want a wall, we’ll make them want a wall!  A Gallup News Poll finds that only 36 percent of Americans favor building a wall on the southern border. So how do we convince the sane population to want an insane project? By scaring them, of course.

According to GOP rhetoric, there are lots of “bad hombres” trying to get into America. Actually, the great majority are attempting to flee from crime, hunger, and violence. When oil prices dropped a few years ago, it ravaged the Venezuelan economy. Since 2015, three million migrants have fled Venezuela. Now, the Trump Administration is putting a crippling embargo on their only resource.

National Security Advisor John Bolton announced that America will slap Venezeula with “$7 billion in frozen assets and $11 billion in lost export proceeds.” Prior to Bolton’s announcement, Reuters projected that 2.3 million more people will flee Venezeula by the end of 2019. After his announcment, the country looked more like this:

via GIPHY

Conveniently enough, the embargo was placed just in time for the countdown to the next government shutdown to begin.

2. Jim Zeigler
Who knew that Alabama auditor Jim Zeigler was such a fashionista? Well, he taught the world a thing or two as he (as the Kweens say), “Read Kyrsten Sinema to filth.” Mr. GQ Himself dragged the freshman Arizona senator for her sense of style in a scathing Facebook post.

The Alabama official posted a picture of the congressperson with a caption: “What newly elected AZ Democrat Kyrsten Sinema wore to work.” Using the good ol’ post-and-delete-technique, Zeigler claimed that Sinema was “inappropriately attired.” Apparently, Zeigler is not a fan of boots with a dress.

Perhaps next time, Ms. Sinema should raid the auditor’s closet for these gems:

Read the public responses to Zeigler U.S. Senate Exploratory Campaign. https://t.co/gYwnHdTD4N pic.twitter.com/fE5iMjQRDR

— Auditor Jim Zeigler (@jimzeigler) November 26, 2018

1. Tom Homan
Last is certainly not least crazy this week. Former ICE Director Tom Homan stopped by FOX & Friends to complain the Democrats using statistics to debunk Trump’s crazy insistence on a border wall. The former ICE Director’s answer? Do what he used to do. Listen to Trump.

Homan suggested that the Democrats should spend “less time trying to poke holes in what the president is saying and help the president secure the border.” He thinks they should watch real experts such as himself on channels like Fox News. As the Director-turned-TV-star stated, “You guys talk to experts. You talk to border patrol agents on the front line.”

And no Trump marionette show would be complete without a twinge of sexism. Homan further pleaded his case to become “America’s Next Top Toolbag” by calling Nancy Pelosi “disgusting.” Of course, the crowd cheered in approval, and Homan earned his pay for one more week. Perhaps next week, he’ll punch his ticket for a return to This Week in Crazy!

IMAGE: Matt Bevin (R-KY) speaks to a gathering at FreePAC Kentucky in Louisville, April 5, 2014. REUTERS/John Sommers II