Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

Ted Nugent

Photo: Ron Gallegos via Flickr

Future presidential candidate Ted Nugent, who should have been dead or in jail about eight months ago, checks in at number five for breaking President Obama and John Boehner’s record for “least appealing ‘Grand Bargain.'”

In his latest column for conspiracy repository WorldNetDaily, Nugent offers up what he calls a “Grand Compromise”:

“Yours truly, the humble MotorCity Madman, NRA Board of Directors member, leading gun-rights spokesman and prospective presidential candidate in 2016, will support and champion closing the so-called gun-show loophole,” Nugent writes, “if the anti-gun left wing will support closing the federal voting loophole.”

What is the federal voting loophole? Nugent is glad you asked!

“People who pay no federal income taxes are allowed to vote in federal elections. Arguably, this is a ‘loophole’ since these voters have no federal income tax flesh in the game,” Nugent writes.

“I like to think the Grand Compromise is mighty presidential of me,” Nugent adds. In fairness, his vitriol towards those who don’t pay taxes does remind me of a certain presidential candidate.

While Nugent’s plan to simultaneously solve America’s gun safety problem and the voting problem that we didn’t even know we had may seem far-fetched, maybe it could work. After all, Nugent has already solved the “black problem.“

Bryan Fischer

This Week In Crazy favorite Bryan Fischer returns to the list this week with a brand-new reason for Congress to impeach the president. Unlike many of his fellow wingers, Fischer is well aware that Republicans don’t have enough votes to actually remove President Obama from office. But according to Fischer, they should impeach him anyway — for educational purposes.

While Fischer seems pretty sure of the “educational benefit here,” simply reminding him that gay kids would learn the same lesson about impeachment as straight kids would probably change his mind pretty quickly.

Gordon Klingenschmitt

Right-wing pastor and Colorado state house candidate Gordon Klingenschmitt, who was last seen on this list warning that the Employment Nondiscrimination Act would lead to militant gays kicking you out of your house and having sex in it, is still not a fan of providing legal protection to the LGBT community.

In email to supporters that Right Wing Watch flagged on Tuesday, Klingenschmitt warned that a bill recently authored by Senator Al Franken (D-MN) and Rep. Jared Polis (D-CO) — which is intended to protect LGBT students from bullying — is actually a “No Child Left Unmolested” amendment.

“Sadly, this move will complete step 4 of 5 in the gay agenda’s plan to transform America. They’ve already completed 3 steps, having passed their Hate Crimes Law, repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and striking down DOMA at the Supreme Court this week,” Klingenschmitt writes. “Al Franken’s Homosexual Classrooms is next, recruiting your kids against your beliefs. Finally ENDA will soon bankrupt Christian businesses.”

“Franken’s ‘No Child Left Unmolested’ amendment will teach your kids to violate your Christian values, and like the Brownshirts teach your kids to report YOU as a hater or bully, if you fail to endorse homosexuality as normal,” he adds.

Because if the Nazis loved two things, those would be Jewish politicians, and protecting gay people from bullies.

Joseph Farah

After former South African president Nelson Mandela passed away on Thursday, many conservatives began the process of what Salon’s Joan Walsh calls “right-washing” his legacy. While much of the right wing vehemently opposed Mandela throughout most of his life, they are now struggling to pretend that they supported his cause all along.

For better or worse, WorldNetDaily editor Joseph Farah has no such problem. The mustachioed conspiracy theorist penned one of the craziest possible responses to the civil rights icon’s death, urging his readers, “Don’t Mourn for Mandela.”

“Apartheid was inarguably an evil and unjustifiable system,” Farah writes. “But so is the system Mandela’s revolution brought about – one in which anti-white racism is so strong today that a prominent genocide watchdog group has labeled the current situation a ‘precursor’ to the deliberate, systematic elimination of the race.”

“He was the leader of a violent, Communist revolution that has nearly succeeded in all of its grisly horror,” Farah continues.

Later in the editorial, Farah suggests that Mandela’s 27-year prison sentence was justified, arguing that he was not a “political prisoner,” but “he served 27 years in prison for 23 specific acts of sabotage and attempting to overthrow the government.”

Considering that Farah’s own website contains almost daily calls to overthrow the United States government, this is an odd position for Farah to take. But at the very least, when someone writes an obituary accusing Farah of being a racist crank, it won’t raise as many eyebrows (or generate as many page views) as Farah’s take on Mandela.
Rick Santorum

Farah’s rant about Mandela was only almost the craziest response to the great humanitarian’s death, because this week’s “winner” — former Pennsylvania senator and current box-office flop Rick Santorum — managed to lap the field with his tasteless obituary.

During Santorum’s Thursday night appearance on Fox News’ The O’Reilly Factor, host Bill O’Reilly kicked things off by telling his viewers that Mandela was a communist. And just in case they didn’t get the message, he said it three times in 20 seconds.

Then it was Santorum’s turn to “honor” Mandela’s legacy.

“He was fighting against some great injustice,” Santorum replied, “and I would make the argument that we have a great injustice going on right now in this country with an ever-increasing size of government that is taking over and controlling people’s lives — and Obamacare is front and center in that.”

That’s right — Santorum’s fight against Obamacare is just like Mandela’s fight against apartheid. Of course, Little Ricky is more than welcome to follow Mandela’s example and head to prison for 27 years as part of his crusade; who knows, maybe Ted Nugent will be his cellmate.

Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!