As USA Today put it following his post-conviction press conference, "Trump's cheese slid off his cracker. It ain't coming back."

Felon Donald Trump arose glassy-eyed from his crypt of self-pity Friday morning to remind Americans he’s not just the first convicted criminal to run for president – he’s also a rambling, incoherent mess. …The man some actually believe is qualified to be president of the United States also claimed that witnesses in his trial were “literally crucified,” said President Joe Biden wants to “stop you from having cars” and said the judge who will sentence him on July 11 is “really a devil.”

Trump has lost it. It's never been clear that he had it. But now he isn't near it, doesn't remember it, and wouldn't even know it if he found it.

During the meeting, Trump congratulated Steve Scalise for having a wife who visited him in the hospital while saying “some wives wouldn’t care.” This is something Trump has mentioned before. He apparently finds a carrying wife to be something of a wonder.

Then Trump complained about Taylor Swift endorsing President Joe Biden. Which she hasn’t.

“Why would she endorse this dope,” Trump said. “He doesn’t know how to get off a stage.”

What that means isn’t clear, but Trump established in his latest biography that he thinks about Swift a lot.

“I think she’s beautiful—very beautiful! I find her very beautiful. I think she’s liberal. She probably doesn’t like Trump. I hear she’s very talented,” he said. “I think she’s very beautiful, actually—unusually beautiful!”

Trump didn’t quite break down into sobs of “why doesn’t she like me back?” in front of the congressional crowd on Thursday, but Swift continues to occupy plenty of rent-free space in the Orange Dome.

But that might not be the creepiest moment of his return to the Capitol. Soon after, Trump turned his attention to his obsession with House Speaker Emerita Nancy Pelosi.

“Nancy Pelosi’s daughter is a whacko,” Trump reportedly said. But he didn’t stop there.

“Her daughter told me if things were different, Nancy and I would be perfect together, there’s an age difference though,” he added.

The age difference between Trump and Pelosi is only six years, but the sanity difference has to be measured in parsecs.

Pelosi’s daughter Christine Pelosi has responded to Trump’s statement: “Speaking for all 4 Pelosi daughters, this is a LIE. His deceitful, deranged obsession with our mother is yet another reason Donald Trump is unwell, unhinged and unfit to step foot anywhere near her—or the White House.”

Finally, Trump talked about “good man” Hannibal Lecter.

Like the shark story, the Lecter riff has been a part of Trump’s standard stump speech for weeks. And like the shark story, it has become so tattered around the edges that Trump appears to have forgotten the set up, the punch line, and the point. Though, to be fair, it’s not clear the Lecter story ever had a point.

It's no wonder Biden can't wait to get Trump on stage for their June debate so he can be asked a few questions without a teleprompter. And it's equally unsurprising that Trump is laying the groundwork to back out.

Republicans might have been able to brush off concerns about Trump by keeping him at a distance. But now that they've seen the latest iteration of Dear Leader up close, many of them must be desperately breaking out those "thoughts and prayers."