Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:
5. Bryan Fischer
American Family Association leader Bryan Fischer isn’t saying that President Obama is intentionally spreading Ebola throughout the country because he hates America. He’s just asking questions.
“It looks like he actually wants Ebola to come to the United States,” Fischer said of the president on the Tuesday edition of his show. “Why would he want that? Well remember, President Obama thinks that this country is racist to its core, it’s been racist since the beginning, it’s an evil colonial force that’s been the root of all kinds of evil all around the world, it needs to be punished, it needs to be brought down to size, it needs to be disciplined.”
“It looks like President Obama wants Ebola to come to the United States to punish America for being racist,” he continued — after reiterating that he’s not technically accusing the president of planning a pandemic. “Maybe it’s part of his redistribution plan to redistribute disease, not just wealth.”
One would think Fischer might be more sympathetic to the president’s diabolical plan to wipe out racists, considering how much he loves black males.
4. Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh is certain that the Ebola virus’ presence in the United States is President Obama’s fault. He’s just not sure why.
Initially, the right-wing shock jock was pretty confident that Bryan Fischer is right, and Obama wants to punish America for slavery.
But by Wednesday, Limbaugh had a new theory: It’s all about amnesty!
“Ebola is the biggest obstacle to amnesty right now. Ebola spreading is going to put pressure on the regime to really control the borders,” Limbaugh said. “And that can’t be allowed to happen.”
So what will the president do? Obviously, showing data proving that the border is more secure than ever is a non-starter. So Limbaugh suggests that the White House will instead “make a martyr” out of Ebola victim Thomas Eric Duncan.
“It’s made to order now for the drive-by media to devote themselves to convincing us that Duncan dies because of racism. Because of bigotry,” Limbaugh explained. “And then we’ll hear ‘this is what happens when people live in the shadows.'”
“The effort is being made to make sure that no matter what, we do not close the border,” he added.
Rush is right about one thing: There is an effort to make sure that the U.S. doesn’t seal its borders. But it’s being led by doctors and economists, not President Obama (who’s presumably too busy using sick immigrants to punish suburbanites).
3. Phyllis Schlafly
Photo: Gage Skidmore via Flickr
Eagle Forum founder and Cold War winner Phyllis Schlafly also suspects that President Obama is intentionally infecting Americans with Ebola. But Schlafly doesn’t think that he wants revenge on America; instead, she argues that he just wants to make us more like Africa.
“Out of all the things he’s done, I think this thing of letting these diseased people into this country to infect our own people is just the most outrageous of all,” Schlafly lamented in an interview with far-right conspiracy repository WorldNetDaily. “The idea that anybody can just walk in and carry this disease with them is just an outrage, and it is Obama’s fault because he’s responsible for doing it.”
But why would Obama personally let anybody (except for those hundreds of thousands of people) just walk into America?
“Obama doesn’t want America to believe that we’re exceptional,” Schlafly explained. “He wants us to be just like everybody else, and if Africa is suffering from Ebola, we ought to join the group and be suffering from it, too. That’s his attitude.”
Cheer up, Phyllis! Based on your passion for limited government and your hatred of feminism, you might like some parts of Africa better than you think.
2. Morgan Brittany
Screenshot: YouTube
Perhaps concerned that Schlafly’s take wasn’t quite crazy enough, WorldNetDaily also published a hysterical column from Hollywood has-been Morgan Brittany that wonders, “What If The Conspiracy Theories Are True?”
Recounting a recent dinner party in “the heart of Los Angeles,” Brittany notes that the conversation among the “upper middle class” guests “veered into conspiracy territory”:
One of the men brought up the fact that Washington has known for months if not years that we were at risk for some sort of global pandemic. According to a government supplier of emergency products, the Disaster Assistance Response Team was told to be prepared to be activated in the month of October for an outbreak of Ebola. Hmm, that’s just like the fact that they knew 60,000 illegal children were going to be coming across our southern border eight months before it happened.
Questions were then brought up about the stockpiling of ammunition and weapons by Homeland Security over the past couple of years and the $1 billion worth of disposable FEMA coffins supposedly stored in Georgia. Why was there preparation being made for FEMA camps to house people in isolation? These were the questions being seriously discussed.
Did President Obama plan the Ebola outbreak so Homeland Security could herd you into FEMA camps, murder you, and bury you in a FEMA coffin (that doesn’t actually exist)? Maybe!
For her part, Brittany has a much simpler explanation: It’s all about stealing your guns.
My fear is that this has all been orchestrated from the very beginning. Who knows? Maybe the current administration needs this to happen so martial law can be declared, guns can be seized and the populace can be controlled. Once that happens … game over.
She really needs to stop going to dinner parties at Glenn Beck’s house.
1. Todd Kincannon
While everyone else on the list is preoccupied with why Ebola reached U.S. shores, this week’s “winner” — former South Carolina Republican Party executive director Todd Kincannon — has come up with a solution: genocide.
Over the weekend, Kincannon took to Twitter to explain why everyone suffering from Ebola has to die.
The protocol for a positive Ebola test should be immediate humane execution and sanitization of the whole area. That will save lives.
— Todd Kincannon (@Todd__Kincannon) October 4, 2014
In Kincannon’s mind, napalm counts as humane:
.@gracels I’m fine with that too. But if somebody gets through and has Ebola, kill it with fire and salt the earth. Compassion is a killer.
— Todd Kincannon (@Todd__Kincannon) October 4, 2014
There’s just no other way with Ebola. We need to be napalming villages from the air right now. RT @gracels No, but I wouldn’t kill them.
— Todd Kincannon (@Todd__Kincannon) October 4, 2014
Not that it particularly matters to Kincannon, given that it’s the savages’ own fault for getting sick:
.@SapiensUnited The people of Africa are to blame for why it’s so shitty. They could stop eating each other and learn calculus at any time.
— Todd Kincannon (@Todd__Kincannon) October 4, 2014
And just in case the racism wasn’t enough, Kincannon tossed in a bit of casual sexism as well. He’s an equal-opportunity hater!
We should put Wendy Davis’ vagina in charge of the Ebola outbreak. It will kill all of them without mercy and go to Nordstrom’s afterwards.
— Todd Kincannon (@Todd__Kincannon) October 4, 2014
Yet another banner day for the “pro-life” movement.
Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!
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