Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Mike Kelly

Rep. Mike Kelly (R-PA) is one of many congressional Republicans who was not pleased by President Obama’s announcement that he would defer deportation for some 4 million undocumented immigrants. During a Wednesday interview with Newsmax TV, Kelly raged that Congress should consider impeaching the president, before he starts another Civil War.

“The country is witnessing something right now that I don’t think in our entire history we’ve ever looked at, a constitutional crisis,” Kelly lamented. “Right now, in the history of our country, we have never had such an internal crisis as we’ve had. Not since the mid-1800s.”

Kelly went on to suggest that President Obama read Rick Warren’s book, A Purpose Driven Life, unless he wants to be remembered as the man who killed the republic.

“I would hate to see him go down in history — or maybe he wants to go down in history — as the guy who tore America apart,” Kelly explained.

Of course, President Obama probably wouldn’t get much out of Pastor Warren’s book. After all, as Kelly previously informed us, the president is “the Pontius Pilate of politics.”

4. Michele Bachmann

Photo: Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) only has a few more weeks left in Congress, and she appears determined to go out with a bang.

Speaking to reporters at the Capitol on Thursday, Bachmann explained President Obama’s real reason for taking executive action on immigration: illegal illiterate voter fraud!

“The social cost will be profound on the U.S. taxpayer — millions of unskilled, illiterate, foreign nationals coming into the United States who can’t speak the English language,” Bachmann said of the executive order. “Even though the president says they won’t be able to vote, we all know that many, in all likelihood, will vote.”

“The president has a very single-minded vision. He’s looking at new voters for 2016,” Bachmann added. “People do vote without being a citizen. It’s a wink and a nod, we all know it’s going to happen.”

This is not the first time that Bachmann has claimed that Obama can magically grant voting rights to undocumented immigrants (although this time, she thankfully refrained from threatening to spank him for it).

A Washington Post reporter then asked Bachmann why she described the immigrants as “illiterate,” prompting this reply:

“I’ve been down to the border. The reason why I would say that is I spent four days at the border and spoke to American Hispanics on the border. That’s what they told me,” the congresswoman explained. “Those are not Michele Bachmann’s words, those words came from Hispanics who live on the border.”

Someone should probably let Bachmann know that Sherrif Joe Arpaio is actually of Italian descent.

3. Mo Brooks

Plenty of Republicans have suggested impeaching President Obama over his immigration plans, but Alabama congressman Mo Brooks has a better idea: Throw him in jail.

Brooks revealed his plan to Slate on Wednesday:

Brooks said there is a federal statute (“I don’t have the citation for it at the tip of my tongue”) making it a felony to aid, abet, or entice a foreigner to illegally enter the U.S.

“At some point, you have to evaluate whether the president’s conduct aids or abets, encourages, or entices foreigners to unlawfully cross into the United States of America,” he continued. “That has a five-year-in-jail penalty associated with it.”

Brooks says that he only wants to throw Obama in jail for five years. But then again, he has supported the indefinite military detention of U.S. citizens under the National Defense Authorization Act, and President Obama is the leader of the War on Whites, so the commander-in-chief could be looking at a pretty long stay behind bars.

Speaking of immigration-related prison sentences, this seems like a good time to mention that Brooks has vowed to “do anything short of shooting” undocumented immigrants to “solve” the nation’s immigration problem.
2. Glenn Beck

As usual, American prophet Glenn Beck sees President Obama’s decision leading to apocalyptic catastrophe.

On the Tuesday edition of his show, Beck appeared to be near tears as he warned that President Obama’s executive order would combine with the ongoing tension in Ferguson to spark a race war.

“When you have everybody fighting and you have race involved and people are scared, isn’t this usually when a strong man steps in and says, ‘I can fix it’?” Beck pleaded. “Please pray for our president. Please pray for the republic. And so it begins.”

“They mocked ‘preppers,'” he added, “and now as the unrest becomes more of a reality, the advice being given this week, on the eve of potential violence, is prepare.”

If they have Beck’s super-soldier version of Santa Claus fighting on their side, my money is with the whites.
1. Kris Kobach

Like Beck, this week’s “winner” — outrageously anti-immigrant Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach — sees President Obama’s immigration action leading to a race war. And Kobach is pretty sure he knows which side is going to win.

During the Sunday edition of his radio show, Kobach took a call from a man who warned that pro-immigration reform groups are “calling for the return of the Spanish territory, which could be almost half of the United States,” and that “when one race or culture overwhelms another culture, they run them out or they kill them.” Kobach replied by agreeing that a Latino majority might go ahead and murder all of America’s white people.

“Here’s an interesting — not a conterpoint, but an interesting additional point to that,” Kobach said. “What protects us in America from any kind of ethnic cleansing is the rule of law, of course. And the rule of law used to be unassailable, used to be taken for granted in America. And now, of course, we have a president who disregards the law when it suits his interests. And so, while I normally would answer that by saying, ‘Steve, of course we have the rule of law, that could never happen in America’…I wonder what could happen.”

“I still don’t think it’s going to happen in America,” he added, “but I have to admit, things are strange and they are happening.”

When an elected official claims that prosecutorial discretion could lead directly to ethnic cleansing, things are definitely getting a bit strange.

Audio of Kobach’s comments is below, viaRight Wing Watch.

Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!

Get This Week In Crazy delivered to your inbox every Friday, by signing up for our daily email newsletter.