Welcome to a special State of the Union edition of “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. With apologies to Bryan Fischer, Bob Barr, and many others, this week’s list will only cover the many, many awful reactions to President Obama’s Tuesday night address to Congress. Starting with number five:

5. Randy Weber

It may not shock you to learn that most Republican members of Congress were not thrilled with President Obama’s 2014 State of the Union address (at least one — the inimitable Rep. Steve Stockman (R-TX) — didn’t even bother to listen to the whole thing).

But no representative summed up the right wing’s attitude going into the speech better than Rep. Randy Weber (R-TX), who tweeted the following from the House chamber:

On floor of house waitin on “Kommandant-In-Chef”… the Socialistic dictator who’s been feeding US a line or is it “A-Lying?”

— Randy Weber (@TXRandy14) January 29, 2014

Rep. Weber presumably meant “Chief,” not “Chef” — although honestly, comparing the president to a Nazi cook makes roughly as much sense as Weber’s intended barb. And if Weber really sees President Obama as an evil German, then maybe he should stop demanding that he build militarized walls.
4. Louie Gohmert

Not to be outdone, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) also came to the State of the Union prepared for mockery — but in a much odder way.

While Gohmert awaited the start of the speech with his official guest — Sean Hannity, naturally — the unhinged congressman explained his choice of attire:

“Well I thought, ‘I can’t wear that. That’s Santa Claus,” Gohmert said as he described his choice of a tie. “And then I realized, we’re going to be listening to Santa Claus tonight promising whatever anybody wants they can have.”

“The trouble — and this is what breaks my heart — is he’s got the children paying for the gifts to the parents,” Gohmert added, “and that’s not right.”

Gohmert should probably have been more careful about that comparison while Hannity was around; after all, Fox News does not take kindly to black Santas.

H/t: Right Wing Watch
3. Glenn Beck

After the president delivered his relatively modest, moderate speech, many wingers focused on the president’s vow that “wherever and whenever I can take steps without legislation to expand opportunity for more American families, that’s what I’m going to do.”

If you read that and thought, “American democracy is officially dead,” you may be Glenn Beck.

Calling the speech “horrific from start to finish,” Beck lamented that “looking us in the eye, [President Obama] said he would use his executive power to get his way. He bragged about it!”

“I would like you to remember and write this down in your diaries — write it down in your diaries, and keep it for your children and grandchildren,” Beck implored. “This was the State of the Union where our president declared he would become America’s first dictator.”

It may be best to take Beck’s suggestion rhetorically, rather than literally. Because making a written record of every time Beck warned that an Obama dictatorship was imminent would kill an awful lot of trees.

H/t: Right Wing Watch
2. Steven Andrew

The least coherent response to the president’s address belongs to pastor Steven Andrew of the right-wing USA Christian Ministries, who took it upon himself to offer “God’s State of the Union” on Tuesday night.

In his presumptuous speech, Andrew explained how to “restore God’s blessings” to the United States. As you might have guessed, getting rid of President Obama is step one.

“People like Barack Obama have a totally different vision of America. His vision is to follow Satan, and we know this because of his homosexual sin that he just is open about,” Andrew explained.

In addition to being a gay satanist, Andrew also charged Obama with a long list of sins including “death panels,” “IRS spying,” and repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell — which is apparently responsible for the Iraq War.

“Look, with Barack Obama bringing homosexual sin to the military, they can’t even win in Iraq!” Andrew exclaimed.

Of course, God’s State of the Union wasn’t all criticism — Andrew also offered some concrete policy solutions.

“There is great economic problems in the United States of America. We have the biggest debt in the world. How is this going to go away?” Andrew said. “This debt is going to go away by humbling ourselves before the Lord and not by serving Mammon but by putting Jesus Christ first.”

The Republican Party may have been widely mocked for its many, many responses to President Obama’s speech, but all of them — even Michael Grimm’s — were more on-point than Pastor Andrew’s attempt to speak for God.

Video of “God’s State of the Union” can be seen atThe Raw Story.

1. Michele Bachmann

This week’s “winner” is once again Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), who seems determined to spend every day before the end times providing entertainment for This Week In Crazy readers.

Much like Beck, Bachmann was appalled by President Obama’s speech, in which she claims “The president renewed his commitment that he is going to be King Obama.”

But unlike Beck, Bachmann won’t just sit idly by while King Obama is “eviscerating the Constitution,” as she put it. No, the former tax lawyer has a better idea: Sue the president!

“If he wants to move forward with this unilateral activity, he better be prepared for the lawsuit that the United States Congress will bring to him,” Bachmann warned. “He may think he’s king, he may declare he’s a king, but that’s not what he is under the Constitution.”

Bachmann’s plan has at least one supporter: her frequent collaborator, Rep. Steve King (R-IA).

“He knows what he’s saying,” King said of President Obama. “He wouldn’t have to remind Congress, ‘I’m going to use all my real executive authority,’ that wouldn’t be in the speech. What he’s saying is, ‘I’m going to use some of your authority.’ So I agree with her that we need to take him to court.”

Sure, wasting taxpayers’ time and money to sue the president for the theoretical use of entirely legal executive orders may seem like a mind-numbingly stupid idea. But it’s also exactly the brand of “fiscal conservatism” that we’ve come to expect from Congresswoman Bachmann and her crazy caucus.

Photo: Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!